"I had so much anxiety this weekend," a client will share with me
during a Monday session. "I had been feeling so good for the past couple
of weeks, but this weekend I seemed to have taken five giant steps
backward."
"Tell me about your weekend," I say.
"Well,
my boyfriend and I went out with some friends on Friday night and I had a
couple of drinks. Then we went to a wedding on Saturday and drank a bit
too much. I woke up Sunday morning feeling pretty crappy. And I spent
the rest of Sunday with the familiar pit of anxiety in my stomach. All
of my familiar mental obsessions and ruminations came barreling into my
brain: What if I don't love my boyfriend enough? What if I'm gay? You know how it goes."
"Yes, I do. Any idea what triggered it?" I'll ask, although I already know the answer.
"Yes, probably."
It's astonishing to me how many times I've had this conversation
with countless clients. And the solution seems simple: if alcohol is scientifically known to
stir up anxiety, then eliminating or significantly reducing its
consumption would reduce anxiety. Yet when I offer this suggestion, I'm
often met with resistance.
It's not like when I suggest reducing
or eliminating sugar, gluten, or grains, all of which are also known to
contribute to anxiety and depression for some people. Those aren't easy
to eliminate, but they don't occupy the same social status in our
culture that alcohol does.
We live in an alcohol-addicted
culture. Alcohol is used as a social lubricant, and has become such a
crutch for most people to feel comfortable socially that they would feel
lost without it. The paradox is that while alcohol serves as a social
lubricant and works in the moment to stave off anxiety, the aftermath of
alcohol consumption, especially for highly sensitive people, is an anxiety hangover the next day, and often for several days.
Is it worth it? Is it worth it to sacrifice your mental well-being for a
couple of drinks? Many of my clients share that they feel better when
they eliminate alcohol completely from their lives. "I really shouldn't
have one single sip," they say. Others feel fine with modified use of
alcohol, meaning a half a glass of wine every few weeks. But in order to
make these changes they first have to get past their resistance.
Some of the resistance has its roots in the fact that they've always
struggled socially and have self-diagnosed as having "social anxiety."
When I hear this self-diagnosis I'll ask the following questions: Do you
struggle when you're hanging out in a small group of people or just in
large gatherings? Just in large gatherings.
Do you struggle socially when you're with a group where there is a
common interest and partying isn't the focus? No. What's your favorite
way to socialize: with a small group, or one-on-one? One-on-one.
Then I'll offer my new "diagnosis:" You don't have social anxiety; you're a highly sensitive person!
When you know yourself and know where you thrive, you can stop trying
to squeeze yourself into the culturally prescribed model for "cool" and
"fun." Clients will often share with me that when they stop drinking and
partying on the weekends, their friends or roommates will poke fun at
them for being boring. "So what?" they respond. "I'm not bored with my
life. I'm happy and I'm living without anxiety."
It requires courage to step outside the box. There can be no doubt that
we live in an extroverted, drinking culture, and when you step out of
that model you're stepping out of the mainstream. But in making the
choice to party less or not at all, which greatly supports your decision
to reduce alcohol consumption, you're making a very loving choice for
yourself, one that not only honors your wiring as a highly sensitive
person — and likely an introvert — but one that places your desire for
an anxiety-free life above your desire to fit in.
Is it choice worth making? If you're seeking more wellness, I would think the answer is an unequivocal yes.
source:mindbodygreen