My psychologist told me I should share what my childhood was like
with more people because it's a big part of who I am. I cringed when he
said that to me. I cringed even typing the first sentence of this post.
Let's face it, whining about your childhood makes people tune out.
Heck, it makes me tune out. But why is it that we all laugh when people
say, "I went to counseling for depression, but I didn't want to dive
into all that childhood crap"?
A big part of it is because there are lots of funny stereotypes about seeking therapy.
Maybe you picture a client lying on a couch, a stiff therapist with a
clipboard, and lots of wasted time dissecting a childhood that is long
over. And not only are these staid stereotypes kind of funny, but they
also reinforce the truth that ruminating on childhood in adult life can
indeed be pretty unproductive.
But my story is different ...
I'm in my forties now, but I saw a psychologist weekly for several
years in my 20s. No, there wasn't a couch or a clipboard. Just two
reclining chairs and two people talking. He jotted things down
occasionally. But we were in full-on childhood analysis mode.
Before I continue, let me sum up my childhood quickly by saying it
wasn't good. My mom was an alcoholic
and my dad pretended she wasn't.
And my mom wasn't a happy drunk; her alcoholism involved some Jekyll and
Hyde personality-changing stuff. I share this information because it's
what initially landed me in counseling. And I credit the time spent with
this blunt, funny, sarcastic and empathetic psychologist for freeing me
from my bout of childhood depression. He'd say that I fixed me, but he
gave me the tools to do it.
But I wasn't just "fixed" by
therapy. Now, 20 years later, I actually see my painful childhood as a
gift, one that has made me a much more self-aware, compassionate and
grateful person. Here's how you can, too ...
1. You gain a unique perspective on gratitude.
Even
though I would definitely not want to relive my childhood, I wouldn't
change it either. The fact that my childhood is over — and more
importantly, that I grew from it — is a daily gift for which I am
grateful. I had a revelatory moment in college when I realized, "I don't
have to live at my parents' house anymore." It was so liberating to
realize that my life is well, mine. From there on out, I could be
independent and control my environment.
Now people tease me, saying that I'm too happy. Well, the reason I am so genuinely happy (med-free) is because I live with a unique perspective on gratitude.
And I believe I owe this gratitude to overcoming a lot of crap in my
childhood. I know what it is like to live in fear. I know what it is
like to be afraid to come home. What I focus on today is how different
things feel. And I celebrate that.
2. You learn that you are really quite resilient.
I made the decision to put myself in talk therapy in my 20s. That in
itself is a decision that I look back on with a tremendous amount of
self-celebration. I wanted the cycle of abuse to end with me. If you
make the effort to dig deep into the pain you experienced during a
damaging childhood, you are strong. The desire to understand your
experiences and make new ones for yourself is a sign of strength. So
tell yourself you are strong daily and prepare to be amazed at what else
you can achieve.
3. When you fix you first, you discover a rich life.
All
that said, I am not going to pretend it was smooth sailing after my
many years in talk therapy. I made lots of mistakes in relationships and
in how I treated myself but I always could fall back on the insights
and tools I learned in talk therapy. I always could begin again in the right direction. Depression no longer had a hold on me.
As I aligned my life slowly to what I learned in therapy, life became
immensely better. Or as Maya Angelou so aptly put it: "Nothing works
until you do."
4. Sometimes a painful time directs you to your purpose.
During
my childhood, writing in journals was my escape. Notebooks were my
secret hideout. My love of writing and personal development turned into
my career path. A painful beginning shaped my purpose. Painful
experiences can bea great teacher — leaving us with wisdom and sometimes even revealing our path.
If your past was broken, know your future doesn't have to be. As ABC broadcaster Robin Roberts says, "Make your mess your message."
source:mindbodygreen